Desperately needing guitar learning methods - please help

Discussion in 'Music Corner' started by zabrak, Apr 23, 2014.

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  1. Edgard Varese

    Edgard Varese Royale with Cheese

    Location:
    Te Wai Pounamu
    bleachershane and Naughty Chord like this.
  2. Lownotes

    Lownotes Senior Member

    Location:
    Denver, CO
    Can I recommend a cover song, done in a whole new way, by your band?

    Desperado
     
  3. ash1

    ash1 Forum Resident

    Location:
    bristol uk
    God almighty, the guy just doesn't know when to stop even when he's practicing.
     
  4. Glenn Christense

    Glenn Christense Foremost Beatles expert... on my block

    Well played sir !

    He messaged me also and everyone else probably. He was friendly and it was before I got the joke so I gave a serious response.
     
    Rose River Bear likes this.
  5. Music Geek

    Music Geek Confusion will be my epitaph

    Location:
    Italy
    I desperately play bass guitar if needed for the band. There is an 8 hours time difference between here and Oregon so we will need to work out if those 6 hours of practice can be put in while I sleep or if I need to be awake. What do you think?
     
    Lownotes likes this.
  6. Schoolmaster Bones

    Schoolmaster Bones Poe's Lawyer

    Location:
    ‎The Midwest
    Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing
    [​IMG]
    1. Listen to the birds.
    That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.

    2. Your guitar is not really a guitar Your guitar is a divining rod.
    Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.

    3. Practice in front of a bush
    Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush dosen't shake, eat another piece of bread.

    4. Walk with the devil
    Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

    5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out
    If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

    6. Never point your guitar at anyone
    Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

    7. Always carry a church key
    That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty-making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.

    8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument
    You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

    9. Keep your guitar in a dark placeWhen you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

    10. You gotta have a hood for your engine
    Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.


     
    Ntotrar, Agent57, maxnix and 5 others like this.
  7. Rose River Bear

    Rose River Bear Senior Member

    I thought I was the only one he PMd.
    Yeah he caught me off guard. However, like I said, he knew a little too much about guitars and guitar related stuff for a beginner. Oh well.
     
  8. bleachershane

    bleachershane Forum Resident

    Location:
    Glasgow, Scotland
    He's planning a custom guitar job on a guitar that hasn't even arrived yet, which he hasn't learn how to play as yet...
    Okay, I'm really quite bored with all this. It's insulting my intelligence and logic!
     
  9. Music Geek

    Music Geek Confusion will be my epitaph

    Location:
    Italy
    The Marshall Aid custom job will be a knock out for the European tour. Perhaps you can find a Shock And Awe one for the Middle East tour?
     
    Rose River Bear likes this.
  10. Glenn Christense

    Glenn Christense Foremost Beatles expert... on my block

    It sounds like you're getting... desperate. :p
     
    bleachershane likes this.
  11. Wow, how can you even consider actually practicing your guitar without having a thorough discussion of what guitar strap will help revolutionize music, let alone guitar strings and a tuner?

    I'm thoroughly disappointed.
     
  12. Harvest Your Thoughts

    Harvest Your Thoughts Forum Resident

    Location:
    On your screen
    To start with I recommend playing open E major constantly for at least 3 hours a day for perhaps 3 months. You have to get that sound in your hands and ears. Then move to A minor.
     
    Shawn, bleachershane and GuildX700 like this.
  13. Music Geek

    Music Geek Confusion will be my epitaph

    Location:
    Italy
    You mean desperately disappointed.
     
    Shawn and bleachershane like this.
  14. GuildX700

    GuildX700 Forum Resident

    Location:
    USA
    I just hope he knows if he buys a double neck guitar it'll take twice as long to learn to play. Documented fact.
     
    bleachershane likes this.
  15. If only his girlfriend was named Susan...

    Susan.jpg
     
  16. xilef regnu

    xilef regnu Senior Member

    Location:
    PNW
    Cue the Scott Joplin music...

     
    Satchidananda likes this.
  17. Spacement Monitor

    Spacement Monitor Forum Resident

    Has he booked the Meadowlands yet? Sometimes you have to schedule a couple of years in advance.
     
  18. farmingdad

    farmingdad Forum Resident

    Location:
    albany, oregon
    bleachershane likes this.
  19. Spirit Crusher

    Spirit Crusher Forum Resident

    Location:
    Mad Town, WI
    Reason #412,365 that the Internet should be deleted.
     
    bleachershane and Fullbug like this.
  20. alexpop

    alexpop Power pop + other bad habits....

    Get a cheap guitar that goes out tune. Thick neck for your hands to wrestle with. Use heavy gauge strings. Stick with it for five years. Learn chord shapes/riffs.. Pose in the mirror. Then progress to dream guitar. You'll find your fingers gliding over the strings like butter, so easy now to emulate all your fave guitarists style.
     
  21. GuildX700

    GuildX700 Forum Resident

    Location:
    USA
    Mmmmnnn....plays like butter...........
     
  22. nosticker

    nosticker Forum Guy

    Location:
    Ringwood, NJ
    Andy Kaufman is laughing.


    Dan
     
  23. Fullbug

    Fullbug Forum Resident

    Location:
    Seattle
    I think he's just letting us know that they have internet connection at The Home.
     
    bleachershane likes this.
  24. Sheik Yerbouti

    Sheik Yerbouti Senior Member

    Location:
    Germany
    Next two threads: "Which strings should I use?" and "Recommend me some headphones for practicing at night". Or did he already ask that?
     
    bleachershane likes this.
  25. Lownotes

    Lownotes Senior Member

    Location:
    Denver, CO
    Where'd he go? We need updates!!!!
     
    bleachershane likes this.
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