Your significant other & your purchases

Discussion in 'Audio Hardware' started by Nate, Dec 20, 2014.

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  1. Jim T

    Jim T Forum Resident

    Location:
    Mars
    My wife of 44 years has tolerated my foolishness for all this time. She doesn't really get it, but knows that I don't throw crazy money at new gear and that much of what I have and use everyday is 30-40 years old like my AR-58s and Large Advents. Now for me, better and just different get clouded a bit and I'm still trying to decide if for the limited amount of time I listen on my computer if a USB dac is justified? Probably at least an IFi Nano.

    If I had my choice I would do more recording for musician friends and just bought a new Yamaha MG 16 channel board for some larger ensemble work in 2015. I spent some time comparing mic preamps like we do phono preamps and it just came down to flexibility as the differences between this Yamaha ( which is super clean/full sound) and some "botique" preamps was just not as great as I thought it would be. Maybe the equivalent of going from an excellent Graham Slee to a $2K phono pre. It seems like it is more what I do with it than what it is. At 2496 it is pretty hard not to like what I hear. I also have a newer, small Mackie VLX 3 that is also very nice and an older 1604 model at church I can borrow that we replaced with an 32 channel Allen and Heath board.
     
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  2. gojira

    gojira Active Member

    Location:
    Kathmandu, Nepal
    Your scenario is not that uncommon as I have seen quite a few relationships like this. But what puzzles me is the fact that she has a medical degree. Those don't come cheap financially and require a fare amount of intelligence and diligence. Seems like time away from work dissolved her desires to be goal oriented. Guess you spoiled her too much(albeit out of love) as I have made the same mistake with my ex. My present S.O. actually encourages me to spend on myself with any disposable income so I guess I am lucky. Its not like you are bringing in thousands of dollars of new equipment all the time, so the occasional $50 bucks spent on Texas whiskey is no BFD. Its your money. Enjoy it as life is too short.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2014
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  3. Ash76

    Ash76 Wait actually yeah no

    My SO is quite ok with me buying records (within reason). I'm just not allowed to play them when she's around
     
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  4. Brother_Rael

    Brother_Rael Senior Member

    I have an understanding partner now, she thinks of it as being my shed! My ex- didn't get it at all and hated it. Didn't complain much when she asked me for some advice on what to get recently mind...! :D
     
  5. Rodney Toady

    Rodney Toady Waste of cyberspace

    Location:
    Finland
    My wife loves music and she's generally very supportive of any music-related purchases (as long as it's me who pays for them). Whenever I audition new gear, I always consult her - I value and respect her opinion. Frankly, I don't really see why this music lark should only be a male thing. I feel we should actively encourage our spouses to join in the fun, "for better or for worse".
     
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  6. GuildX700

    GuildX700 Forum Resident

    Location:
    USA
    Some folks, even though they are intelligent and have spent time, effort, and energy on schooling fizzle out when it comes time to perform the daily, work-a-day daddy never ending gig.

    And then, when they wilt off into laziness and totally quit working they to expect someone else to carry them, so the whole thing falls apart and then they blame everyone but themselves.

    I HATE freeloaders.

    In 40 years of working I've never took unemployment or freeloaded off anyone. I've done whatever it took to get by, working 3 jobs at once when it was needed. Working when injured, bypassing vacations, personal days, even funeral pay for loved ones, all to keep my employment secure.

    And I still got canned last year.

    But I still stand by my code to do whatever it takes. Even if it does not always work out..... at least you tried.

    The free loader mentality that the powers that be support has dealt all of us a serious blow, we are carrying deadbeats that could be productive and it is pulling us all down.
     
  7. My wife's OK with it, but that said, I always buy used stuff, except for my cartridges which are not over $300. I like my system and have it in my "man cave". That said, once weekly she goes shopping for various and sundry things, or just enjoys shopping. I don't question her purchases and she doesn't question mine. It's a good life
     
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  8. Todd Fredericks

    Todd Fredericks Senior Member

    Location:
    A New Yorker
    Using company benefits such as vacation, sick, personal, and bereavement days legitimately is not free loading. They are part of an employee's total compensation. If a manager was encouraging direct reports not to use these benefits or trying to shed a negative light then that person should not ever be in a supervisorial type position ever. Shame to read such possible abuse or misinformstion happen in the work place.

    As for my relationship and spending. We both earn decent salaries And split our mutual costs down the middle. We do the bills every month together.

    My purchase and her purchases are our own business and never lecture. We both thankfully are extremely responsible with our money. We put money in our retirement accounts, savings, have emergency funds, we pay our cards off every month and are not in debt, etc.

    The only concerned feedback I sometimes receive is where will item "a" fit in our NYC apartment. Now that we are moving to Europe and are buying a house that should hopefully not be such an issue.

    Compared to what I read and hear how other folks are in debt and mismanage money I think we are good.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2014
  9. trumpetplayer

    trumpetplayer Senior Member

    Location:
    michigan
    I'm sorry, I'm a grown man. I pay my bills, take care of the house and kids. There is no way in hell I'll let my wife or any woman tell me what I can or can't buy.
     
  10. Nate

    Nate Forum Resident Thread Starter

    My experience at 2 different employers over the last 2 decades is that employers are not pleased when you actually use your benefits. One colleague cashed in all his stock options and was reamed for it by the CEO. I usually use all my vacation days and 2 years ago I was told that if I were 'serious' about my job I would not have done that, and added to that was critique over how I used my vacation days which frankly is no one's business, and assuredly I was not doing something illegal, immoral, or causing anyone any harm.

    There are two sorts of management - one fosters growth and teamwork, while the over views staff as fungible goods. Take a less than great job market and a manager to whom power has influenced their outlook, and yes, you will catch grief for using your benefits.
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2014
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  11. Abbagold

    Abbagold Working class hero

    Location:
    Natchitoches, LA
    My wife has no issues with purchases. I'm cheap to begin with, so no big $'s being spent. I might get the occasional comment of "how many copies does that make"? Or "why is this one different"? She's happy that I don't blow money on drugs or hookers, so records or audio is not an issue.
     
  12. Nate

    Nate Forum Resident Thread Starter

    Yeah well, I've not chased women, or poured my money down the drain on dope or booze or gambling.
     
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  13. mreeter

    mreeter Forum Resident

    Location:
    Kansas City
    I've really never understood the concept of "your money or my money" that is, if both parties are working or have some sort of income.

    My S.O. of the past 30 years and myself have always had the "our money" attitude and it has worked out very well for us over the years.

    We also started a "fun money, blow money" fund several years ago, a certain amount of cash is set aside every month for each of us to spend however we wanted. If we want to make a sizable purchase, we just have to be patient and save our "stash" funds until we have enough to cover.

    She buys her hi-end purses and whatnot, I buy whatever I want, with NO remorse or attitude from her or myself. We are both quite happy with this arrangement, as it has worked well for us over the years.

    I feel for the OP and your situation, my first wife was a deadbeat when it came to work (not saying yours is a deadbeat) but my ex was the Queen of Laziness, I think that's the reason my current wife and I have had such a great life together, she's a working machine.
     
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  14. scotto

    scotto Senior Member

    My wife is every bit the music fan/record hound that I am and we usually make purchases together: teaming up for an Insound or Music Direct or Acoustic Sounds order, trips to the record shop together, researching and deciding on new gear.
    I met her when she was working in a used record store, so it's unlikely she'd balk at purchases. In fact, she's usually the one to say "You know, we haven't made a record order in awhile..."
     
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  15. Todd Fredericks

    Todd Fredericks Senior Member

    Location:
    A New Yorker
    Yes, sadly these places do exist and thankfully get burned when the job market is healthier. Most employees should not support this behavior and should speak up. Yes, not easy to do (and understandable why people do not) but they are bullies. The tide is changing where more folks are learning about the bad and good companies. The old virtues of the company being the mountain which leads to abuses like this is changing slowly. However, sadly some places will not change even if the world does.
     
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  16. Ntotrar

    Ntotrar Forum Resident

    Location:
    Tri-Cities TN
    I'm the bread winner here, she takes care of the house and the kids, so traditional. My wife has her own music hobby which I support financially and materially. The iTunes store is good enough as far as she is concerned, she just buys the songs she wants and makes playlists. I prefer buying and listening to full albums. I do consult her when I want to make a major purchase, she occasionally reminds me of things that need to be done around the house. Audio takes a back seat to other responsibilities.
     
  17. MonkeyMan

    MonkeyMan A man who dreams he is a butterfly?

    I appreciate the position of strength, but wimmin do hold a trump card that threatens all heterosexual men.

     
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  18. Gasman1003

    Gasman1003 Forum Diplomat.

    Location:
    Liverpool, England
    My partner tolerates it and even goes to concerts with me to see acts she can't stand:love:

    She does however say things like:

    "No one in their right mind washes their records!":shrug:
    "Surely, you've got enough records now!":shrug::shrug:

    I just haven't got the heart to show her this forum!!!
     
  19. nolazep

    nolazep Burrito Enthusiast

    We've kept our finances separate since day one, which is something I whole-heartedly recommend. So long as all the bases are covered and all our collective ducks are in a row, how each of us spends our money is our business. I'm sure she rolls her eyes at some of my audio purchases, but hey, I roll my eyes at a lot of the stuff she brings home too. C'est la vie. :righton:
     
  20. oregonalex

    oregonalex Forum Resident

    Have you considered the possibility that she may be an audiophile and your gear is not up to snuff?

    I'm not kidding. Make sure your system is not overly bright or has exaggerated or smeared sibilance. When I had my old system many years ago, my wife used to leave the room whenever I turned music on. I didn't even think that there was anything wrong with the sound. Once I asked her why didn't she stay and she replied that the excessive treble and hissy sibilance was hard to take. I upgraded my gear and now she sits down with me to listen.
     
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  21. Nate

    Nate Forum Resident Thread Starter

    Lucky dude
     
  22. Vinyl Addict

    Vinyl Addict Forum Resident

    Location:
    MA
    She doesn't allow you to listen to music?
    LOL my wife just dropped the needle on Slayer: South of Heaven
     
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  23. Jim T

    Jim T Forum Resident

    Location:
    Mars
    Audio for us is another man's, or woman's, Keureg 2.0 . We each pick what is important to us. Me just give me a cup a joe and I'm good.
     
  24. jmrife

    jmrife Wife. Kids. Grandkids. Dog. Music.

    Location:
    Wheat Ridge, CO
    Have told this story on this forum before, but bears repeating: My wife's first husband was a serial cheater, a chronic gambler, a jerk (she took a taxi home from the hospital when their child was born because he was on the golf course), and he was investigated by the IRS for criminal tax fraud. That investigation included a warranted, thorough search of their home.

    So, the fact that I spend money on hifi is no problem. She knows where I am nights and where the money goes.

    Lucky me, lucky her.
     
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  25. gojira

    gojira Active Member

    Location:
    Kathmandu, Nepal
    Geez guys-have we gotten to the point where we must justify satisfaction or contentment? Reading some posts here it seems like we always look downward and say things like -I could be doing worst things-(fill in the blank vice) to the S.O. How about we look upward towards the positive and simply state that it makes me happy......but of course not as much as you, my Darling......(please include a romantic glint in the eyes whilst stating the aforementioned)
     
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