Funny review of "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle"

From Mr. Cranky's movie reviews:http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/charliesangelsfullthrottle.html


If the original "Charlie's Angels" had any legs nostalgically, director "McG" (that's right: no first name, no last name, just "McG") has amputated them. His nauseating direction feels like the machinations of a fast food worker at the end of his mental rope, begging the logical question: "McG, do I get fries with this?" Apparently, McG is short for McGagreflex.
Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu are back as female superspies, but could easily be mistaken for bored extras in a 105-minute music video tribute to classic rock. Humor and logic are about as native to McG and company as ditch-digging and humility.

The film's language isn't merely indecipherable -- it's something that will confound linguists 10,000 years from now as they try to determine whether it qualified as actual human communication. The Angels are trying to recover some rings that contain a code protected by something called Halo. They backflip over bullets and grab onto helicopters falling from the sky in an apparent effort to inspire Isaac Newton's enraged corpse to reanimate and hunt them down.

At the end of this long, torturous path is villain Madison Lee (Demi Moore), a former Angel herself. Moore has apparently been on hiatus from Hollywood for the past few years, waiting for Ashton Kutcher to become legal. Moore slinks around in a body so augmented and skin so shiny that several Dow Corning executives at my screening had to be carried out on stretchers. Thankfully, the medics remained on standby until this disaster concluded.

 

Every clip I've seen on talk shows have been absolutely terrible. To be fair to "McG," though, I don't think Billy Wilder could've saved the awful jokes written for the movie. They're so awkward and stupid, it's painfully obvious the people involved are either trying to be funny or actually thought what they wrote was so witty and clever, but it's not, not by a long shot.

 

So what we're seeing, basically, is a big-budget movie franchise that's even schlockier than the '70s action series it's based on!

I can hardly wait until somebody green-lights a new series of Love Boat flicks. You heard it here first...

 

You're thinking of Pam Anderson (Lee), whose new show "Stripperella" is coincidentally premiering tonight on Spike TV (or whatever it may be called after that ridiculous lawsuit).

 

There actually was a Love Boat film in the works for a while. At least one of the scripts was pretty darn funny as it satirized the whole thing in much the same was as the Brady Bunch Movies.

 

The first Charlie's Angels movie was a pleasant surprise--campy fun that didn't take itself seriously at all. And they finally found just the right role for Crispin Glover. However, the coming attractions for Full Throttle fill me with dread.

Naturally, I will have to see it, anyway.

 

Jimbo,

Way to take one for the team. Do let us know how bad it actually is. As someone who has vowed not to pay to see that movie, I can only speculate on it's awfulness.

 

I heard Jaclyn Smith does a cameo on this movie. Just the sound of her voice gets me excited!

I never saw the first flick but now I have a reason to see this one. Wait a second... who stars in this movie?

 

I will be skipping this movie and will easily wait for the dvd.

 

I think she got "updated versions".....the rumour is $300,000 in plastic surgery......waste of money......she does nothing for me, dull looking.....gimme Nicole Kidman over her any day.

As for the movie, I'd rather pick a wall in my house and stare at it for 2 hours. Hallway would be a good choice....taupe...easy on the eyes.

 

Charlies Angels seems to suffer from what every Action Movie these days suffer from....too much fast cutting and unbelievable CGI work.

Once upon a time Action Movies has good plots and real stunt work....now its all done on computers and though occasionally it can look good at first..it ultimately feels cheap.

I notice 2 new ones are like this...Charlies Angels (of course) and the upcoming Bad Boys 2....have you seen the trailer for that?!?

 

All I know is Lucy Liu looks like a Picasso.......her eyes are on either side of her head!Not a pretty girl....actually NONE OF THEM ARE! Cameron Diaz looks like a pug, and Drew's been hanging out at Krispey Kreme too much!

 

Are you talking about the Harry Potter movies, or this new Charlie's Angels? I took one look at the first Harry Potter movie, saw nothing but a bunch of CGI, and have had no urge to watch it. I'll take good honest ILM special effects from the old days.