You Know You Have Too Many Records When....

...the mail truck has never used your mailbox! Every delivery comes straight to the door...

 

...there's no money left to buy a turntable.

 

...your collection has a bar code system.

 

...when you don't need a notebook, because you are just as thrilled buying a duplicate as buying your first copy of something

 

...The FedEx truck is waiting for the mail truck to get out of the driveway!

And the mail truck had been waiting because UPS was in the way...

 

...you have records on pre-order that you can't even pronounce.

 

You can justify a $60,000 home equity loan to finance a $50,000 turntable and another $10,000 in vinyl because you MUST HAVE brand new, never played, hot stamped records to play on your new table! But your wife doesn't see the logic in calling this a "home improvement" loan!

 

...you arrange your albums by cover texture!

 

...you can't find your own sofa.

 

...you didn't move "into" a house, a house was built around the collection.

 

...you have records produced by Hollywood stars.

 

... you can't decide what to listen to, say Screw It and watch tv instead.

 

Or you decide to watch a DVD but find a CD in the player instead!

 

...you think it's perfectly normal to have 20 different pressings of Kiss Unmasked.

 

...you figure you could listen to your live albums alone and have enough material to take you well into the 23rd century.

 

....your floor caves in because of them, as happened to Dr. Demento?

 

you think, one sneeze in the wrong place will mean your death ... and it sounds like a lovely way to go

 

...you have more copies of Alice Cooper's "Love It To Death" than virtues.

 

...every minute of your day is linked to vinyl in some way.

 

Sheer poetry.

 

...a crate has become a bookcase!

 

...you took a CD back to the store because the disc had no inner sleeve!

 

...you have double albums on one record.

 

. . . your downstairs neighbor has to keep removing his toupee to shake out plaster dust.

 

...you mortgaged your house in order to get a clean box set copy of Chicago At Carnegie Hall.