How do men feel when their wives veto a purchase?

Good one Chris.

 

With 3 full systems and a half-system in the kitchen, in a one-bedroom apartment: 6 turntables, 5 sets of speakers, 2 preamps, 4 amps, 1 integrated, 1 receiver, 4 CD players/transports/DAC's, 6 phono's, 2 tuners, 2 head amps, 2 power conditioners, 2 voltage regulators, an RCM machine/vacuum, 4 headphone amps, and 7 pairs of headphones, plus about 2,000 CD's and about 700 vinyl (so far) - there's simply no room left for a wife in that space.

So - there's no-one to approve/forbid anything.

Oh, to answer your question - I don't know how those other guys feel...

 

Several commonalities I've seen in this thread: compromise, discussion, mutual respect. All that needs to be present for any relationship to work, but especially a marriage. No one wants to be in a relationship where the other person has veto power over them. Your partner should be that: your partner, supporter and biggest fan. They should also want what makes you happy, within reason. My ex was mostly supportive of what I did and wanted. She liked shoes and handbags, I liked instruments and media. We were married for 13 years and still have affection and respect for one another and work together for the common good of our daughter.

Wise words from @sotosound

If your significant other is wanting you to get rid of things that make up who you are, then they don't have your best interests at heart. I have a friend who I've played music with for over 30 years. His wife recently told him he had to get rid of his guitars because he's a "grown man! A 55 year-old man!" and doesn't need to have them because he's never going to be a rock star. I think she fundamentally misunderstands him and what those guitars are about. I told him to tell her she doesn't need 4 sets of identical bakeware because she's never going to be Julia Child and see how she likes that.

 

Fortunately, my wife is cool with whatever I want, be it cars, guns, photo, or audio gear. She loves cars as much or more than I and is also an avid shooter. Our only real rule is that hobbies are strictly pay as you go. Buying on credit is not an option.

I have really accumulated way too much equipment at this point and she has offered to allow me to turn our formal living room into a sole purpose listening room, but her terms are that there needs to be dedicated cabinetry to house all the extra gear (right now I have stuff all over the place). This room has always beed set up as a reading room (her main hobby), but as we speak hundreds of books are being boxed up for disposal to make room. Thats a big thing for her to offer, though I will likely not take her up on it as it's a horrible room for audio. I just need to suck it up and get rid of all the extra gear I am not using.

To be fair, she hasn't read a paper based book in over a decade, but I always say that marriage is really about leverage, and her offer flips it over to her side, so the next move is mine to get it back.

 

All of the above.

Actually I know my wife would have attempted to dissuade me from my relatively inexpensive speaker, stylus, pre-amp and sub woofer purchases.... had I told her about them. I figured the best thing for our marital bliss would be to keep quiet, buy them anyway, and when she eventually spots them (if she does) emphasize the trade-in, sale price or whatever.

Also there has to be a bit of give and take. Only last week she bought a far more expensive camera than what she needs, but of course, I gave her my blessing... That's one in the bank for when I need to upgrade my amp.

 

That's the leverage thing I mentioned.

 

Some men really don't belong in a marriage.

The rest of us have figured out that marriage requires negotiation and compromise, and do what's best for the household.

 

True, and some women don't either. Both partners have to be on the same page and have each other's, and the household's, best interests at heart. If one person has veto power over the other, it's neither a partnership nor built upon mutual respect. Negotiation and compromise isn't a one-sided dynamic.

 

Don't you have a couple of motorcycles as well?

 

My girlfriend doesn't "veto" my purchases but she usually complains about the space more records take up since I "have so many." She didn't mind when I upgraded my turntable and equipment but that box set I want? "There's no room!!" lol. Other veto usually involves if its "ugly" and/or doesn't match the house/furniture/etc.

She likes her shoes/purses/clothes so we have all our things we like.

 

One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bank accounts.

 

And there we have it. It cuts both ways.

 

Absolutely! She and I do not share a bank account or credit card. We each have our own income and share of the bills and each has a quota for putting away for retirement/rainy day. After that we don't really question each other's purchases unless it's something stupid (my pet peeve was always buying Godiva candy for the goddaughters at Christmas and Easter - a 6 year old would rather have a bag of m&M's!!!).

 

We have three checking accounts. One for the household, and one for each of us to do with as we please. It's a great solution that eliminates any conflict about purchases.

 

One, but it's a Harley!

 

Perfect recipe for resentment.

 

If it is a large purchase and you are married then it should be run past the wife. Before I spend something in audio over several hundred dollars I run it past the wife. She is also one that says, "Is the amp you really want or are you going to be wanting a better one in another year? If not than wait and get what you really want and spend the extra hundred dollars or so."
If I purchase something under a $100 bucks on albums or a box set I just buy it. My wife knows I am obsessed with buying albums. I usually limit myself to only a couple albums a month since I can't go into record stores lately.
Bottom line: If you are married and you have to think to yourself, "Will my wife be upset if I buy this piece of gear?" then you probably should not buy it and run it past the wife.

 

Ha! I love how virtually everyone on this thread has an awesome wife that would never say no or you don’t allow those restrictions. I’m calling BS.

my desire to accumulate expensive equipment is nearly without bounds, there is certainly someone in my life that would throw up a red flag if I’m going to bring another pair of 100 lp speakers into the house we share. I’ve done that a few times and I don’t think I ever asked before hand but I had a good sense of what was possible and what I could afford. I’d say anyone blaming a wife for killing a dead wasn’t a real buying, just a looker.

 

Not necessarily. There are some who are irresponsible with the finances and someone in the couple has to be the voice of reason. If it's deemed a purchase that would be foolish and put the couple in a precarious financial position, I wouldn't begrudge the wife (in this scenario) for stepping in and vetoing it.

 

Perhaps but everyone's circumstances are different. In my case, I work a 2nd job, the money from which pays for all my audio purchases. Due to this, there's no permission involved and it frankly doesn't matter what I do with the money. Things would be different if she were high-maintenance but she is the total opposite which indirectly encourages me to keep the status quo.

 

Sure, clearly we have all been very successful at putting together systems and I’m not casting a woman as being the hater of fun but the reason I don’t have a VPI titan or put a pair of Jubilee in my living room has something to do with being considerate with others.

It doesn’t have to be about the money (although that is valid). Before I moved into this house with my own room for equipment, the wife was always pushing my speakers out of position and against the wall. She hated them being out in the room as much as I hated them not being set up properly. I decided the five minutes it would take me to move them into place before listening was less of a hassle than fighting about it. And...if it makes her happy, that seems like an ok thing to be a part of.

same thing with putting on headphones for late night listening rather than shaking the walls while whisky drunk. I mean, that does happen from time to time, compromise goes both ways. All I’m saying is that if you live your life completely encumbered by the considerations of others you either don’t have a relationship or you’re a narcissist. Everyone in this hobby should be able to think of a purchase they would like but are going to pass on for practical reasons.

 

My wife does not veto any of my purchases. As @ayrehead said above, the key is separate bank accounts. I make more $ than my spouse so we each contribute to the bills proportionately: I pay 60% she pays 40%. What ever money is left over is our own to do with as we wish. She likes the arrangement; she says it keeps her from feeling guilty whenever she wants to buys stuff. On the flip side, my best friend's spouse believes all of his money is actually her money, so when ever he wants to buy something like records she expects recompense and he is required to take her shopping for what ever she wants. She's a bit of a hoarder and needless to say there is little room left to walk around in his house.

 

I hear what you're saying. Before we bought this house, one of my criteria was to have a dedicated listening area (AKA mancave). She was fine with that for 2 reason. Firstly, so I can be happy. Secondly, so she doesn't see/hear those big black boxes in the living room.

 

My wife doesn’t love that there are continually more records coming in, but she’s not wrong about the lack of space. I am at a point where I need to start putting some records in “archive” away from the listening area, because there’s just nowhere for them to go. However, she likes listening to music, so, as long as enough of what I buy is stuff she enjoys, there’s not much objection...

And I have found that whenever I get the point of approaching her about how stuff will look in the room, I’ve overthought it and she’s actually fine with anything I like, as long as it physically fits in the space (which is a reason I’ll not likely have K-horns unless we ever move... but that’s not really her, it’s the room).

 

IMHO, I don't the right to for an opinion as to how others (couples) do what they do. I'm married (40+ yr ). But wife has no say, none, nada, as to what I buy. She or I can buy whatever we can afford, but if it goes in a communal space then we discuss the form and fit. She has no say in my music room, which is at the front part of the house. The rest of the house is hers. As far as that sextime thing, this homie don't play that.

M~