SH Spotlight A few angry (but sort of funny) notes people sent me about my mastering work, imagined defects.....

Discussion in 'Music Corner' started by Steve Hoffman, Dec 2, 2013.

  1. Batfish

    Batfish Forum Resident

    Location:
    Austin, TX, USA
    I love the 'Pet Sounds' complaint - 'it's mono!' In a related vein, there are quite a few 'Citizen Kane' reviews on Amazon that slag it for being in black and white (one reviewer whines that 'it's not even in color!'). And then there are the folks who insist that 'Kane' was filmed in widescreen, so how come the DVD is cropped? Some of the reviews may be tongue in cheek. It's hard to tell.
     
  2. Ben Adams

    Ben Adams Forum Resident

    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ, USA
    Back in the '90s, I had a woman come in who had seen Clapton Unplugged and wanted to delve deeper into his catalogue.

    I explained there were several phases to his work and recommended the compilation The Cream of Clapton, saying she could then investigate the full albums from there. She thought that was a great idea.

    The next day, she marched back in and practically hurled the CD at me. "I don't want this heavy metal!" she spat.

    The track listing:
    1. I Feel Free
    2. Sunshine Of Your Love
    3. White Room
    4. Crossroads
    5. Badge
    6. Presence Of The Lord
    7. Blues Power
    8. After Midnight
    9. Let It Rain
    10. Bell Bottom Blues
    11. Layla
    12. I Shot The Sheriff
    13. Let It Grow
    14. Knockin' On Heaven's Door
    15. Hello Old Friend
    16. Cocaine
    17. Wonderful Tonight
    18. Promises
    19. I Can't Stand It
     
  3. dkmonroe

    dkmonroe A completely self-taught idiot

    Location:
    Atlanta
    Ha! Shoulda told her to skip the first five tracks! :laugh:
     
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  4. Digital-G

    Digital-G Forum Resident

    Location:
    Dayton, OH
    I love that heavy metal CD. :laugh:
     
    Grant likes this.
  5. OneStepBeyond

    OneStepBeyond Nuttier than a Snickers bar

    And Cocaine too... possibly. :shh:
     
    dkmonroe likes this.
  6. Ben Adams

    Ben Adams Forum Resident

    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ, USA
    Yeah, that didn't go over too well.

    I'm incredibly ambivalent about Clapton, but one thing I know for sure: What he did to his own song with that lounge version of "Layla" was a travesty. One of the most passionate love songs of all time, reduced to the moment the Xanax kicks in. And that's all this woman wanted, musical Xanax.

    Anyway, yeah. It went into the returns pile with a defect note: "Too heavy metal." :D
     
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  7. Grant

    Grant In holiday HELL

    Location:
    United States
    Don't know what to tell ya. To some folks, that is heavy metal! Some people like very mellow, soft music, Xanax, if you will. She probably thought Eric Clapton was like James Taylor. Too bad she didn't listen long enough to hear "Bell Bottom Blues" or "Let It Grow". Those would have been more up her alley.
     
  8. Keith V

    Keith V Forum Resident

    Location:
    Jersey City, NJ
    A friend of mine took back his Cars first LP because he couldn't hear the bass guitar.
     
  9. dkmonroe

    dkmonroe A completely self-taught idiot

    Location:
    Atlanta
    Eh, I didn't think the lounge version was all that bad. :hide:
     
  10. Grant

    Grant In holiday HELL

    Location:
    United States
    :wtf:
     
    Keith V and c-eling like this.
  11. c-eling

    c-eling Fruit Juice Everywhere

    Tell him to stay far, far, away from Asia-Alpha, in fact to save any retailer the grief, don't buy any edition :laugh:
     
    Keith V likes this.
  12. FatherMcKenzie

    FatherMcKenzie Forum Resident

    Location:
    Winnetka, CA, USA
    Steve, at least you only got notes...

    A long, long time ago, I worked at Tower on Sunset Boulevard. I was on the info booth when a couple walked in with a copy of the 'Grease' soundtrack album wishing to return it.

    I explained that I needed to see the actual records and pulled them out of the cover (which didn't look that great, but not that bad, either). They were horribly and obviously deep scratched. I mean horribly. No record company in the World would have manufactured or packaged such destruction. Of course, they had no receipt.

    I told them I couldn't justify taking these back because of their condition and lack of receipt. This couple jet-engined into extremely angry mode and the husband proceeded to take the records out of my hands and slammed them on the counter in front of me (pieces which also touched me), breaking the records into flying objects around the booth. I don't know what category of return such action fits.

    They didn't seem like some desperate couple in need of money; they appeared normal. Of course, I never got to know what drove them to this as they left the store quickly. Some employees came over to check if I was okay while many in the store just stared. To this day, I don't know what I might have done that caused this, I wasn't one to go off on people, most returns were handled easily enough.
     
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  13. majorlance

    majorlance Forum Resident

    Location:
    PATCO Speedline
    My dad retired in 1992. Having a lot of time on his hands, he got into watching MTV & VH1, around the time the lounge version of "Layla" was in heavy rotation.

    I remember he phoned me one night & asked "what's up with this old guy singing Layla, anyway?" :tiphat:
     
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  14. thestereofan

    thestereofan Forum Resident

    Location:
    San Jose
    Can
    Can't read em all.
     
  15. bartels76

    bartels76 Forum Hall Of Fame

    Location:
    CT
    See the Cream of Clapton CD - Track 16 (Cocaine).
     
  16. Use_Your_Koala

    Use_Your_Koala Forum Resident

    Location:
    Paris
    Some good ones.
     
  17. PH416156

    PH416156 Alea Iacta Est

    Location:
    Europe
    Complaining about the lack of bass guitar? Heck, you should have told him to buy Metallica's "...And justice for all". I could see him listening to the LP and shouting: "this song is out of order! The whole vinyl is out of order!!" ;)
     
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  18. Grant

    Grant In holiday HELL

    Location:
    United States
    Don't you get it? The Car's first album as tons of bass!
     
  19. Jim B.

    Jim B. Forum Resident

    Location:
    UK
    When I worked in HMV for a while we sold some 'adult' video titles. I remember one guy bringing back a VHS made for homosexual men, and I had to ask why he wanted a refund and he said it wasn't strong enough. Fair enough but I think I would have been to shy to do that myself.

    We had a couple of jokers that realised we gave no quibble refunds and started trying it on with what looked like 5 year old really worn hip hop tapes. I did all the refunds so they used to sit outside waiting for me to go to lunch as they knew I would say no.

    And the most common thing was the early days of cd when some people believed the hype that CDs were indisctructable and treated them like it looked like diner plates, I saw jam on one, they didn't like it when I told them they needed to treat them with care.
     
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  20. bleachershane

    bleachershane Forum Resident

    Location:
    Glasgow, Scotland
    One of the few bassists I can tell I'm listening to almost instantly, because of his tone! This made me laugh muchly, thanks for sharing! :)
     
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  21. axeugene

    axeugene It don't matter if yer by my side, I'm satisfied

    No joke, I worked at a music store (The big HMV in West Edmonton Mall) & we once had a parent return a CD of baby lullabies telling us it wasn't the right music. We put the disc in and out poured the darkest heavy metal with all of the screaming and growling you can imagine.
    I strongly suspected that this was a practical joke at the pressing plant because of how opposite the music was. I don't know the logistics of whether a CD label with the wrong music on it could be a one off, or if it was just a really bad mistake.
    Hopefully no baby was traumatized, but man did we have a laugh about that.
     
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  22. The Wanderer

    The Wanderer Seeker of Truth

    Location:
    NYC
    I file this in my 'You can't win' file
     
  23. Gabe Walters

    Gabe Walters Forum Resident

    I worked customer service at a big box electronics store before widescreen TVs were common. People would try to return letter boxed DVDs because they thought the black bars were defects. They didn't listen when I tried to explain that the DVDs preserved the theatrical aspect ratio. They just wanted the picture to fill their screens. They'd sometimes get apoplectic if I tried to explain that they'd been watching "pan and scan" VHS tapes that cut scenery, and sometimes characters, out of the frame.
     
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  24. rockledge

    rockledge Forum Resident

    Location:
    right here
    This is hilarious!

    If they did the post office would need to do some hiring.........
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2015
  25. monotubevibe

    monotubevibe Forum Resident

    Location:
    L.A.
    I work part time in a classical CD store. We recently had a customer return a classical cd because "they made this recording sound fake in the studio. It gets really quiet in some places and then gets really loud in other spots. I had to keep on turning up and down the stereo to keep it at one volume."
     
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