Funniest thing you ever saw on The Simpsons

Homer trying to use the phone in that episode...
"I'm sorry, you're fingers are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now."

 

Haha you beat me to it!

 

Every time I think of the line "What? Spider poison is people poison???!!!" I burst out in laughter, wherever I am, whatever I'm doing.

 

And the name on the can - Charlotte's Dead.

 

A silly one that always makes me laugh from Bart To The Future (S11):

Indian: If you want to see your future, throw a treasured personal item in the fire!
Bart: Okay :tosses firecracker:
Indian: Not a firecracker!
Bart: Hey, I bought it from a guy on your reservation!
Indian: That's crazy talk!
Bart: No, it's true.
Indian: No, I know, that's my brother, Crazy Talk. We're all a little worried about him.

And, of course, this absolute classic:

 

Homer after getting audited, goes undercover for the IRS and tells the agent in charge, "Can you pay me in cash, I've got a little tax problem."

 

"He writes like a young me."
"Are you kidding? Young Me isn't THAT good."

 

How about Homer Simpson vs. The City of New York. He's gone to NYC to retrieve his car (long story there involving Barney and sobriety), it's parked in the plaza between WTC I and WTC II. While at the plaza, Homer drinks a bunch of cans of crab juice (his only choices were that or Krav Kalash on a stick) from a vendor then has to pee like a racehorse:

 

It's "Crab Juice or Mountain Dew"
Homer: "YEECHH! Give me the Crab Juice."

 

My wife's favorite is when Marge goes:
"Do-do-doodle-doodle-Doot Doot Doo-Doot. Do-Do--doodle-doodle-Oot Doot Doo-Doot!"
And then Homer says,
"THAT'S IT! I'm going to clown college!"

 

Yes! you have a better memory from 17(?) years ago than I

 

The entire segment when they are at Doctor Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy Centre in episode 2. I mean episode 2, full stop.

From when they enter "I guess you've seen me on the TV" "Yeah, if we had one" to when they leave "And never mention you were here!" with all the drawing, beating and zapping in between, if they had cancelled the show after one season, that episode would still be considered classic television, IMO.

Not to mention "Can't we pawn my engagement ring instead?" "That's a lovely gesture, Marge, but we need $250!"

 

That's only 'coz I've seen it quite a few times!

 

Nowwwww... march!
Wave to the people! Blow them kisses!

 

The New York episode contains my absolute favourite "Stupid Homer" line:

"I'm getting out of this town alive if it kills me!"

 

Moe hooked up to the lie detector.

 

Another hilarious thing was Ralph Wiggum in "Holidays of Future Passed" from Season 23.

It is the future and Ralph had become police chief and also "cloneded" himself many times. He shoots himself accidentally and all the clones end up dying due to stupidity (crashing and burning, etc.)

One of the clones says "That Ralph was stupid!" after one Ralph died. Then immediately after, the one who said it, dies too.

 

Oh yes. More specifically:

Homer: "THAT'S IT! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college!" (storms out of room)

Bart: "I don't think any of us were expecting him to say that."

 

"Yes"

 

The Boy Who Knew Too Much and Lisa On Ice are the first two that spring to mind... both are just rapid-fire gag machines from beginning to end. The truth is, there's just far too many to count or include here.

Homer's Enemy is an honorary third; whilst not intrinsically one of the funniest episodes per se, it's as black as black humor ever got on that show, and the great thing is they didn't cop out on the ending, they just went straight for the jugular.

Of course, anything past Season 10 isn't worth considering anyway...

 

Simpsons deleted scene Season 14: Homer writes a hit song and it's all over the radio.

Marge: Why don't we take a vacation and get away from that song for a while.

Lisa: Dad, didn't you make a lot of money from that record?

Homer: Yes, although I spent most of the profits producing a Yoko Ono cd. (opens up a Billboard magazine) Let's see how it's doing. D'OH! I guess it was John's songs that they liked.