How do men feel when their wives veto a purchase?

My ex had better hearing than I did so I would ask her to sit and give her opinion when I replaced a component or played different copies of a recording. After replacing all the inter connects and speaker cables I asked her before turning up the volume to tell me if the sound quality was better or worse. Her answer was good.

 

really?

 

@HiFiTweeter, Have you consider that your potential buyers use their wives as an excuse to back out of a sale?
I know I have used this excuse many times when my friends want to sell me things.
“Great amp, man, but my wife will kill me if I buy it!”

 

all the time but then I do see her end of things- I just save my own money and plan on invest in my system and don't tell her about upgrades. The big issue was when I wanted multiple systems throughout the house. Now I get her point. Its nice to have a listening space in my office....

Just like cycling, golf trips, etc- sometimes it is easy to get sucked down a rabbit hole- as long as it doesnt impact shared finaces most couples should be ok!

 

Mine also has helped a times but now just does not see changes as a needed. It is helpful to me at times to listen to her and think, do I need to change anything? Alternative advice on anything is worthy.

 

Exactly! Its like do I really need a Mac or can I save for a nice Yamaha and help get us a new car...

 

This is my method for dealing with these purchases

 

My wife understands that I love my music and my hi fi while I, in turn, understand that she wants our home to be a lovely home and not a recording studio.

With a little effort and understanding we achieve both goals. Nothing hidden, no white lies, no expenditure without agreement on either side, and trust in the other’s opinion.

It also helps that she likes music and has a good ear while I’m not a slob and can appreciate nice surroundings.

A friend once said to me “Compromise, but not sacrifice” and it’s true.

In my first marriage it was all sacrifice, which brought unhappiness and resentment. I was therefore smart enough second time around to realise that there had to be a lot of common ground in order for a relationship to make it past the first couple of dates.

The lady that I found was temperamentally different to me (actually a good thing) but we had so much in common, including similar world views, that it was easy to get to the third date and beyond.

27 years later we’re supporting each other and our families through lockdown with no rowing or fighting. Instead, we empathise and sympathise and talk and talk and talk.

In short, if your partner is vetoing stuff such that your basic self is being harmed then it’s time to say goodbye. But that cuts both ways, so make sure that you don’t harm your wife’s basic self either. Always show respect and don’t use her as an excuse to not buy something.

 

Let’s hope that she’s not a forum member.

 

I have a Sota Cosmos/Eclipse my wife paid for.. Nuff said.

 

I agree. I do respect her opinion which is why I asked. The lady is very smart. When my ex was taking a law course at university a professor suggest she look into becoming a police negotiator.
It's just that women can think differently than men. A few months ago she asked me to make some CDRs of music she did not have. I said that it would take some time as I needed to hook up the printer to a computer so I could print out artist and titles for the inserts. She said don't bother that it didn't matter to have track listings.
Just recently a female friend told me that she does not listen to her records anymore and wished to have those albums on Cd for use in her car as she drives a lot to visit her son and grand kids. When I offered to burn some CDRs for her I asked if she wanted track lists and I felt I knew her well enough (over 30 years) to predict her response. Her answer was no, what for?

 

I am reminded of "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer"

So I go down the streets
Down to my good friend's house
I said look man

I'm outdoors you know
Can I stay with you maybe a couple days?
He said let me go and ask my wife
He come out of the house

I could see it in his face
I know that was no
He said I don't know man
Ah she kinda funny, you know

I said I know,
Everybody funny, now you funny too.

 

No issues. Only 'compromise' is it's a family room so, rightly, can't get too extreme.

Also helps she's very musical (plays a mean Telecaster) and enjoys listening occasionally too.

Personally, so long as neither partner is being irresponsible with money or overtly selfish there's no place for quashing each others' dreams or interests. In fact it's something I hate to see.

 

Personally if Wifey poo poos an upgrade - l throw a massive flounce!

Only joking, we talk it over and come to the conclusion l was correct all along , actually we do discuss it and if it something that has worn out or a great bargain has been seen ( "need to move quickly on this or could loose this" ) then the green light is given, lucky really as l do listen to a lot of music, so she understands this, also l never say no to her if she requires shoes, handbags and things that generally lived in for short periods of time then sent off to the Charity shop.

 

definitely this. Once in a while my wife tries to put the kibosh on a purchase simply because she doesn’t want to see a new piece of whatever in the house, and then I fly into a “my money, too!” thing and remind her of all the money she spends on shoes and hair products. But much of the time her words of caution make me give a little extra thought to a large expenditure, and many of those times the large expenditure is a potential impulse buy that ends feeling a lot less appealing to me a little later. So yeah, some checks are a good thing, IMO.

 

Having been married 35 years, my wife and I always discuss major purchases. When it comes to audio equipment I know she often isn’t happy when I say I want to spend thousands of dollars on a audio piece. Usually she will come around when I say this is the last time I will buy any audio equipment. Ha ha!

 

My wife has never vetoed me but she doesn't understand why when I spend money on something I might need to switch it in six months. This bugs her. So before I make a purchase I have to REALLY want it. If it's something I really want and it's end game she will be tolerant of the price as well.

 

That is usually my approach! Last year I did tell her i found my endgame speakers with the Klipsch Chorus II's (at a mere 4 feet tall and 90lbs lol) and she did not object.

 

What also helps my head and justification as much as anyone else's is knowing 2nd hand purchases can be 'free ownership' if you do it right - ie lose little or no money, maybe even make some. ie can always sell it if you ever need the money more than the thing. Most useful philosophy!

 

I don’t know, as we don’t work on a veto system. If something is going to take up space and affect the appearance in a main room of the house (living room, kitchen), I will run things by her out of respect for the fact that she also has to live here, but there’s never a “no, you can’t have that” attitude. That goes both ways.

If this is a money thing for these people, then I guess every couple has a way they manage that. We both spend our own money how we see fit, and it would only really be an issue if something was life-altering expensive (which speakers probably shouldn’t be...we’re talking cars and stuff...). Now, we may try to talk each other out of things if they seem expensive, but never a veto. In fact, what is more likely to happen is my wife will notice I’m sort of obsessing over something, and she’ll say “just get it already so we can move on with our lives!”

 

I'd be pretty damn pi$$ed if my wife tried to veto something I wanted to buy with money I earned/saved.

Once we take care of all the regular bills, salt $$ away for retirement & kids college & rainy day fund, we figure out if there are any home repairs or communal-type things we need (appliances, furniture, linens, etc.). Once all that stuff is taken care of, we are free to spend our earnings how we see fit.

Last year, around Black Friday, my wife went out with an urge to upgrade our TV (we had an old 27" tv that we kept in the living room because our kids beat the heck out of it). Thankfully, my boys guided her to a good TV at a great price. She picked up a new entertainment center, and I bought the receiver, speakers, and subwoofer. That worked out pretty well.

I've purchased about $6,000 of audio equipment in the past 3 years, and she hasn't said a peep, thankfully.

After typing all this, I realized (yet again) that my wife is very cool.

 

My wife knows I don't gamble, golf, own a boat or go to bars, etc. She is mostly OK with what I buy, because, unlike with her first husband, with me she at least knows where the money goes.

That said, I just finished a $15,000 remodel of her bathroom. That softened the blow when I bought a 65" TV.

 

34 years together. We've always had seperate accounts. I buy what I want, she buys what she wants. Wouldn't have it any other way! We only discuss stuff that we need to buy together for the house etc.
When I hear some of my friends though...no way that I could live together with such a woman for more than 1 month !

 

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