How do men feel when their wives veto a purchase?

Oh yeah, I would avoid this issue entirely if I wanted to listen to music in my office. That’s where all the guitar stuff lives (which is good because it’s a horrible mess at the moment...). However, at this point I’m only up to one stereo system, and I do want to spend some time outside of my office... plus most of our music listening is together. But I face absolutely no aesthetic concerns (at least as far as decor; I do actually care how some thing look) if whatever I am buying goes in the office.

Were we ever to move, “man-cave” and “she-shed” are both on the requirements list, though...

 

I've never asked for or sought permission to do most anything nor has she. I have my own money which I earned on side jobs and has nothing to do with family budget or expenses. There are guys I know who ask permission for everything.

 

I think I’m pretty fortunate in that we’re usually in the same place when it’s time for that! In fact, I’m sometimes the one turning it back down a little.

Though there are times she crashes out and I’m not done, and headphones often do then come out.

 

Same here! A small percentage goes to the household account, the rest is for us to spend as we please. Still best friends after 34 years and definitely NOT the man-vs.-wife-cliche-marriage thing !

 

Whoooosh - lotsa angles to consider. The separate accounts, with each having a proportion of "mad money" to be spent as he or she see fit, seems the best solution for most couples. Although there are always exceptions, there is a persistent segment of people in marriages who deem it their prerogative to determine how their spouses spend money, and I find that incredibly disheartening. One of my brothers-in-law, who is a successful surgeon, is constantly fighting this battle, despite making a very comfortable income, and being the only breadwinner in his marriage. He's a responsible and self-disciplined family man, but he's constantly in some form of protracted, sharp negotiation over something he's bought, or is considering buying (and we're not talking big ticket items like Italian sports cars, private planes, or season tickets to a VIP box in an NFL franchise). I don't want to get involved telling another couple how to solve their problems, but dear God, I'd love to slap her sometimes...she spends on whatever she wants, and then constantly tries to police his purchases, which are far less expensive than her own.

 

I could spend more and my wife wouldn't mind at all, but I'm not sure where the unspoken limit is. I figure over about 500 euros and I"d have to sell something to part fund the new item. Not every month but maybe twice a year if it's just on hifi. It's quite a new thing for me and I'm still finding my way, the hifi rather than marriage.

 

We have had "yours, mine, ours" accounts since before we were married (36+ years and counting). Never had an argument about money.

The idea of her having a "veto" over my money (or vice versa)... well that's just not part of the deal.

 

I am lucky in that my wife knows I am fiscally responsible so she never questions my purchases.

That being said I do not buy stereo/ electronics very often to there is not much to talk about.

Most recent was a Sansui AU-717 integrated amp I will install in the master bedroom one I am finished recapping my vintage Dynaco A-35's and will also drive in-wall speakers in the master bath.

She gets to use them while riding the bike and when in the bath so it benefits her as well. At least that is how I sold it to her.

 

Look, I wear the pants in this house. She cooks, cleans and deals with the kids and I do the important stuff, like holding down a job at the coal mine. It's not like she's able to do something like that. I buy whatever I want, as long as can fit it into my trailer and I don't get no lip for it. I don't give her a hassle when she wastes money on expensive cleaning products or a new purse, etc. Buncha pansies!

 

I can happily report that my wife has no hangups with my hifi or record collecting. She knows it's my hobby and appreciates that it's important to have a hobby. Hobbies are the best stress relievers and that benefits everybody.

I also have a rule for spending which she is fully onside with - no credit card purchases whatsoever.
I was brought up by parents who instilled the value into me that if you can't pony up the cash then you don't need it and can't have it.

Im under temp layoff during COVID sh*tstorm; no effect on procuring hifi gear as no current desire to replace anything. Even if I did it can happily wait.
Its affected record collecting a bit but at the same time Ive been digging through my own collection a lot more instead.

Am I stressed? No.
Is the wife stressed? No.
Life and the hobby continues, stress free.....

 

You, my friend, have found the key to a happy marriage.

 

I'm fortunately still working at full capacity but from home, so I've also been digging deep into my collection. Fun, isn't it?

 

What is this "veto" of which you speak.

As far as my wife is concerned, she only speaks glowingly of how I have managed to put together my system for only 185 dollars!

 

I had a home studio and a significant amount of equipment prior to having a wife, so the music hobby was already well established. Now, if you have enough equipment in a large rack space, she can't tell what's new and what not;-) ("What's that dear?" "This? Oh it's been there a few years now. You never saw that before?") Having things shipped to work also helps. Seriously, we've been together for 23 years, and she's aware of my music obsessions. She enjoys the 'tunes' playing throughout the house. (Well, most of the time.)

Funny story. A few years after we were married, she commented on my 36" Sony Wega and Infinity Reference 6's in the Living Room, asking, "Can we get a new TV and speakers that hang on the wall?" "Um... ah... sure! OK!" (I couldn't get the words out fast enough.) Presto, 50" Pioneer plasma and JBL monitors on the walls. (The Sony and the Reference 6's were gifted to my brother.) Now, the JBL's are no match for the Infinity's, but the Pioneer kills, and does so to this day.

That's the only time she has ever ASKED ME to buy gear. A very fond memory of our years together...

DanLore

 

Those women half your age are even cooler with it.

 

We went into a Best Buy a couple of years ago to look at TVs, and when my wife saw the OLEDs, she said “Why wouldn’t we just get one of those?” A very fond memory, indeed.

 

lol! Man....my wife has boxes coming from Amazon, UPS , Fedx and USPS to the house every day! We use to have DHL as well until corona hit! She doesnt say a word to me about purchases.

 

How do men feel when their wives veto a purchase

 

What’s a wife?

 

More fulfilling than your left hand.

 

I take an “allowance “ every month. My wife truly has no qualms about me spending it as I see fit. I also have a listening room. It’s a small room,but I can put whatever I want in there. My wife is VERY cool. We both ride motorcycles. She has 2,and I have 2. Last year I wanted to sell one of my bikes. She put her foot down and said NO!
Life is grand!

 

Of course, my purchases were pretty reasonable. I didn't spend $5,000 on a turntable and $2,400 on a DAC. I was much more prudent. And, why was I prudent? Equal parts of me being thrifty and of me not wanting to push the limits too far on what my wife lets me do without saying a peep.

 

did everyone read the title and skip the post?

 

Well said. And a bad ass hifi is best for this household. So is all the cute clothes she buys within budget and the convertible for her we are both currently saving up for.

 

Yes it was too long.