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Most Ridiculous Review Quotes

Discussion in 'Audio Hardware' started by Fruff76, Feb 11, 2019.

  1. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

    What are some the most over the top, absurd, ambiguous quotes from a review? Just reading the Absolute Sounds Editor’s Choice Awards and most of it is just weird. Some of it sounds like a romance novel.

    Kudos to “oxenholme” for finding this gem in the Naim CD5si review in HiFi.

    "The CD5si bends over backwards to deliver an exuberant and enjoyable performance, and it was its unmatched enthusiasm and concrete drive that we took to instantly.
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2019
    Donniej, Man at C&A, Gumboo and 14 others like this.
  2. audiomixer

    audiomixer As Bald As The Beatles

    Wuote? :D
    You still have time to fix it...
    unclefred and Scope J like this.
  3. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

    Haha, changed!
    audiomixer likes this.
  4. heathen

    heathen Forum Resident

    You could probably take just about any Stereophile gear review, close your eyes, and put your finger on the page and hit a ridiculous quote.

    One of my favorites is when one of their reviewers claimed to hear a difference between having PS Audio M700 power amps stacked on top of each other versus sitting side-by-side. :rolleyes:
  5. lwh1

    lwh1 Forum Resident

    Kent, England
    I think that the staff at 'What Hi-Fi' have a monthly competition amongst themselves as to who can write biggest amount of b*****ks.
    For example, a review of a wooden equipment rack contained the following nugget;
    "...effect on our system was evident within seconds. We found crisper detail, a tighter, more composed low end and better organised instrumentation with whatever we played." What?
  6. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

    Hahaha, that’s classic.
  7. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

  8. patient_ot

    patient_ot Forum Resident

    I think I remember that one. Too funny. I think they caught quite a lot of backlash for that one.
    Rolltide and Fruff76 like this.
  9. Jimi Floyd

    Jimi Floyd Forum Resident

    Pisa, Italy
    From "The Absolute Sound"

    The (amplifier name) allowed not only a fair semblance of the famous Bayreuth acoustic to appear in my room between my (speakers name) - the orchestra warmly aglow under that theater’s famously covered pit - but also gently layered the shimmering, rosiny strings, rising like a fine mist on a morning mountain lake; it also conveyed the rich harmonics of the brass choirs, which reminded me of the warmth of the sunshine that follows.
  10. TheVinylAddict

    TheVinylAddict ___The Enforcer___

  11. punkmusick

    punkmusick Formerly 4011021

    This thread will be fun :D
  12. TheVinylAddict

    TheVinylAddict ___The Enforcer___

    Yeah, because we have an ENDLESS supply of source material!!!!!! :) Jimi's quote above made me think of all the nonsense out there used to describe gear....

    Reminds me of coffee tasting -- I like fresh roasted beans, hand grind -- anyway, the cupping reviews are comical -- one time, four people reviewed a bean, the first three gave the consummate "... stone fruit, hazelnut with a hint of blueberry and orange peel overtone" ---- the fourth guy said "tastes like coffee!" Now, there's a reviewer I can trust!
    RemyM, muskrat, wilejoe and 11 others like this.
  13. slovell

    slovell Retired Mudshark

    Chesnee, SC, USA
    You need a Roget's Thesaurus to decipher them sometimes and it's not just audiophool mags, car mags are just as bad or worse.
    caracallac, Max Florian and Fruff76 like this.
  14. delmonaco

    delmonaco Forum Resident

    Sofia, Bulgaria
    I don't drive anymore, and have zero interest in cars, and I also rarely buy magazines or newspapers, but I regularly buy certain cars mag - it's a really good laugh and great fun. :)
  15. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

    How about the T+A CD player for $22,800.

    “May be the best all around value in digital today”

  16. Socalguy

    Socalguy Forum Resident

    My favorite: “The whole product is a scam.”
  17. Bananas&blow

    Bananas&blow One eyed member

    Pacific Beach, CA
  18. Dream On

    Dream On Forum Resident

    haha, I think we have a winner.

    To be honest, I didn't find the other ones posted in this thread to be that bad. I mean, they are pretty standard as far as reviews go. The one above, well, the excessively flowery dialogue is pretty silly.

    True. I go for freshly roasted beans and grind them myself as well, and brew my coffee properly, simply because it tastes better. But all the comparisons, I mean I guess sometimes my coffee can taste like other foods but usually I think they are really reaching with those comparisons. I've have had coffee though, that had I not known I may have mistaken for hot chocolate. And I can taste things like the acidity, or earthiness in a cup of coffee. But blueberry, plums, oranges, and all of that? Nah, I think that's just hipster silliness talking.
  19. Monty12

    Monty12 Forum Resident

    Burlington Ontario
    I'm glad this thread exists. I'm the audiophile amongst my friends and family so sometimes I feel I'm the only one that notices the absurdity of it.

    And now that I think about I can't pinpoint just one. Most reviews I find to be comical. And I try not to be cyinical, but sometimes I cant ignore it and I don't bother reading more.
    timind and Fruff76 like this.
  20. Aftermath

    Aftermath Senior Member

    Cyclone Ranger likes this.
  21. Bananas&blow

    Bananas&blow One eyed member

    Pacific Beach, CA
    "But the situation—I don't know whether to go so far as to call it a problem—is not simply a matter of level or of accurate reproduction of an inaccurate input signal. Although I don't hear from this tweeter what JA refers to as typical soft-dome spittiness, I do feel there is a mild amount of "splash," where high-frequency transients are spread out in time just a bit, which makes them more apparent than they should be." - Stereophile.

    Thanks Chief.
  22. 5-String

    5-String μηδὲν ἄγαν

    Sunshine State
    You guys misunderstood the quote from TAS....I guess you are not familiar with this piece...the fine mist over the lake and the sun that follows refers to what Wagner describes musically in his Prelude to Act I of Parsifal, this is not poetic language by the reviewer but simply what the music tries to describe.
  23. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

    “I also have to say that compared with the towering prices of some rival top notch power cables, the Audioquest Dragon Source and High Current wires are something of a steal.”

    Source Version - $4,200
    High current Version - $5,200

    “Rather than the deepest notes having a wispy sense, they were clearly articulated and sustained. Indeed, it was this sense of sustain that truly made my day.”

    Power cords...

    The Absolute Sound
    February 2019
  24. Fruff76

    Fruff76 L100 Classic - Fan Club President Thread Starter

    Bananas&blow likes this.
  25. avanti1960

    avanti1960 Forum Resident

    Chicago metro, USA
    The Absolute Sound comes up with some good ones, that's for sure.... from a cable review-

    "Its resolution was slightly subtractive in the best sense of the word"

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