Silly or over-the-top liner notes

The immortal Metal Machine Music:

Passion--REALISM--realism was the key. The records were letters. Real letters from me to certain other people. Who had and still have basically, no music, be it verbal or instrumental to listen to. One of the peripheral effects typically distorted was what was to be known as heavy metal rock. In Reality it was of course diffuse, obtuse, weak, boring and ultimately an embarrassment. This record is not for parties/dancing/background romance. This is what I ment by "real" rock, about "real" things. No one I know has listened to it all the way through including myself. It is not meant to be. Start any place you like. Symmetry, mathematical precision, obsessive and detailed accuracy and the vast advantage one has over "modern electronic composers." They, with neither sense of time, melody or emotion, manipulated or no. It's for a certain time and place of mind. It is the only recorded work I know of seriously done as well as possible as a gift, if one could call it that, from a part of certain head to a few others. Most of you won't like this and I don't blame you at all. It's not meant for you. At the very least I made it so I had something to listen to. Certainly Misunderstood: Power to Consume (how Bathetic): an idea done respectfully, intelligently, sympathetically and graciously, always with concentration on the first and formost goal. For that matter, off the record, I love and adore it. I'm sorry, but not especially, if it turns you off.

One record for us and it. I'd harbored hope that the intelligence that once inhabited novels or films would ingest rock, I was, perhaps, wrong. This is the reason Sally Can't Dance--your Rock n Roll Animal. More than a decent try, but hard for us to do badly. Wrong media, unquestionably. This is not meant fo the market. The agreement one makes with "speed". A specific acknowlegment. A to say the least, very limited market. Rock n Roll Animal makes this possible, funnily enough. The misrepresentation succeeds to the point of making possible the appearance of the progenitor. For those for whom the needle is no more than a toothbrush. Professionals, no sniffers please, don't confuse superiority (no competition) with violence, power or the iustifications. The Tacit speed agreement with Self. We did not start World War I, II or III. Or the Bay of Pigs, for that Matter. Whenever. As way of disclaimer. I am forced to say that, due to stimulation of various centers (remember OOOOHHHMMM, etc.), the possible negative contraindications must be pointed out. A record has to, of all things Anyway, hypertense people, etc. possibility of epilepsy (petite mal), psychic motor disorders, etc... etc... etc.
My week beats your year.

Lou Reed

 

Stephen Diener, Former ABC Records President, Dies at 80

 

This was my first thought when I saw the thread title. Even as a stupid teenager I was rolling my eyes.

 

Huh... always thought it was B&F having a laugh... like the bit on the back cover of Katy Lied...

EDIT: "Michael Phalen" was the phony... my mistake...

 

Janet Planet's interminable and cringeworthy "fable" is the only bad thing about Van Morrison's Moondance. But it's really bad.

 

Aw.

 

Glad you posted this, even though as you say it’s not silly, nor over the top.

 

The liner notes on Grand Funks Survival album are pretty cringeworthy. Written by their manager/producer Terry Knight.

 

Ralph Gleason's liner notes on the various Miles' LPs are pretty tough to read

 

Joe Meek's notes on the Outlaws lp he recorded are pretty over the top.

 

Dylan's John Wesley Harding has some great notes:

LINER NOTES:
There were three kings and a jolly three too. The first one had a broken nose, the second, a broken arm and the third was broke. "Faith is the key!" said the first king. "No, froth is the key!" said the second. "You're both wrong," said the third, "the key is Frank!"

It was late in the evening and Frank was sweeping up, preparing the meat and dishing himself out when there came a knock upon the door. "Who is it?" he mused. "It's us, Frank," said the three kings in unison, "and we'd like to have a word with you!" Frank opened the door and the three kings crawled in.

Terry Shute was in the midst of prying open a hairdresser when Frank's wife came in and caught him. "They're here!" she gasped. Terry dropped his drawer and rubbed the eye. "What do they appear to be like?" "One's got a broken vessel and that's the truth, the other two I'm not so sure about." "Fine, thank you, that'll be all." "Good" she turned and puffed. Terry tightened his belt and in an afterthought, stated: "Wait!" "Yes?" "How many of them would you say there were?" Vera smiled, she tapped her toe three times. Terry watched her foot closely. "Three?" he asked, hesitating. Vera nodded.

"Get up off my floor!" shouted Frank. The second king, who was first to rise, mumbled, "Where's the better half, Frank?" Frank, who was in no mood for jokes, took it lightly, replied, "She's in the back of the house, flaming it up with an arrogant man, now come on, out with it, what's on our minds today?" Nobody answered.

Terry Shute then entered the room with a bang, looking the three kings over and fondling his mop. Getting down to the source of things, he proudly boasted: "There is a creeping consumption in the land. It begins with these three fellas and it travels outward. Never in my life have I seen such a motley crew. They ask nothing and they receive nothing. Forgiveness is not in them. The wilderness is rotten all over their foreheads. They scorn the widow and abuse the child but I am afraid that they shall not prevail over the young man's destiny, not even them!" Frank turned with a blast, "Get out of here, you ragged man! Come ye no more!" Terry left the room willingly.

"What seems to be the problem?" Frank turned back to the three kings who were astonished. The first king cleared his throat. His shoes were too big and his crown was wet and lopsided but nevertheless, he began to speak in the most meaningful way, "Frank," he began, "Mr. Dylan has come out with a new record. This record of course features none but his own songs and we understand that you're the key." "That's right," said Frank, "I am." "Well then," said the king in a bit of excitement, "could you please open it up for us?" Frank, who all this time had been reclining with his eyes closed, suddenly opened them both up as wide as a tiger. "And just how far would you like to go in?" he asked and the three kings all looked at each other. "Not too far but just far enough so's we can say that we've been there," said the first chief. "All right," said Frank, "I'll see what I can do," and he commenced to doing it. First of all, he sat down and crossed his legs, then he sprung up, ripped off his shirt and began waving it in the air. A lightbulb fell from one of his pockets and he stamped it out with his foot. Then he took a deep breath, moaned and punched his fist through the plate-glass window. Settling back in his chair, he pulled out a knife, "Far enough?" he asked. "Yeah, sure, Frank," said the second king. The third king just shook his head and said he didn't know. The first king remained silent. The door opened and Vera stepped in. "Terry Shute will be leaving us soon and he desires to know if you kings got any gifts you wanna lay on him." Nobody answered.

It was just before the break of day and the three kings were tumbling along the road. The first one's nose had been mysteriously fixed, the second one's arm had healed and the third one was rich. All three of them were blowing horns. "I've never been so happy in all my life!" sang the one with all the money.

"Oh mighty thing!" said Vera to Frank, "Why didn't you just tell them you were a moderate man and leave it at that instead of goosing yourself all over the room?" "Patience, Vera," said Frank. Terry Shute, who was sitting over by the curtain cleaning an ax, climbed to his feet, walked over to Vera's husband and placed his hand on his shoulder. "Yuh didn't hurt yer hand, didja Frank?" Frank just sat there watching the workmen replace the window. "I don't believe so," he said.

Bob Dylan -- Vocal, Guitar, Harmonica and Piano
Charles McCoy -- Bass
Kenny Buttreyo -- Drums
Pete Drake -- Steel Guitar on "I'll Be Your Baby Tonight" and "Down Along The Cove"
Engineering -- Charlie Bragg

Produced by Bob Johnston

 

One of my favorite ones is the back cover of Jeff Beck’s “Beck Ola” album

“Today, with all the hard competition in the music business, it is almost impossible to come up with something totally original. So we haven’t.

However, at this time this album was made, the accent was on heavy music. So sit back and listen and try to decide if you can find a small place in your heads for it”

 

Was it Gleason who did the rambling linear notes on the first Creedece Clearwater Revival album going on and on about the music scene....

......and barely mentioning CCR !

 

Yardbirds, Roger The Engineer.

 

Nilsson, Aerial Ballet back cover written by Derek Taylor
Just try to make sense of this one

nilsson aerial ballet back cover - Google Search

 

I don't have the disc anymore but the liner notes to the '90's CD of re-recordings by Question Mark and the Mysterians had some line about how Question Mark's influence could be heard (paraphrased) "every time a lizard-hipped teen puts on his leathers, looks in the mirror, and snarls...'I feel alright!""

Would love to read the exact quote if anyone has it, because that line cracked me up.

 

I have a certain LP whose liner notes contain the following (not necessarily precisely verbatim, but close):

"'We hate artificiality of any kind', says ___ ___, their one-and-only-girl-type singer"

I'm not naming the act ...

 

Brand X albums often had some pretty funny liner notes. Most memorable was for "Do They Hurt?" with the notes penned by Michael Palin from Monty Python.
It starts out: "I have been asked by my lawyers to write some warm and spontaneous remarks about Brand X for use on their latest record album "Melanie Sings Songs For First-Time Kitchen Buyers""...
It goes on to talk about their fictitious manager Lefty Shawcross.

 

Clint Harrigan aka Paul McCartney: ‘Wings Wild Life’. Can you dig it?!?

 

I absolutely love this album.

 

They could be awkward but then that's because he was trying to actually say something, sometimes he succeeded.

 

Love these notes.

 

Not unintentional, but I like this one. It's done in the fashion of albums from the 50s - 60s, where they got some local DJ to pull a lot of superlatives out of his ass - but with a difference:

Del Monas - Dangerous Charms

 

Those liner notes for Can’t Buy A Thrill were written by “Tristan Fabiani”, aka Donald Fagen