‘An Open Letter to Morrissey’: Publisher Faber & Faber pleads for Moz’s memoirs

This is a pretty amusing 'open letter' from an editor at Faber & Faber. That being said, I actually think a Morrissey autobiography would be a pretty great read, sort of like Bob Dylan's "Chronicles," where you'd be getting both a wonderfully written book and a first-person look into a very important musical period (in this case, hopefully, the '80s Manchester scene). I, for one, would love to read it...

‘An Open Letter to Morrissey’: Publisher Faber & Faber pleads for Moz’s memoirs

 

Careful what you wish, it may just be a list of people he doesn't like - sorta what he does in some interviews.

 

All I ask for is an entire chapter devoted to the "November Spawned a Monster" video.

 

The one where he's flailing about in the desert while lip-syncing to the song? Heck it would probably take longer to read the chapter than it did to film the video!

 

Ahaha that just reminded me of an old episode of Never Mind The Buzzcocks, where Mark Lamarr opens the show reading out random items from a sheet of paper. It is then revealed to be a list of things Morrissey dislikes, and turns out not to be 1 sheet of paper but a massive list on folded up tractor paper which appears to have no end. He kept going back to it throughout the show. I can't remember all the things on there, but it was very funny. Two that I can remember is 'people who say "e.g." when they mean "i.e."' and 'Toblerones'.

I think I'll try to find it tonight and watch it again...

 

I've always wished that Moz would write a novel.

 

Found it. If I was better at tech I'd chuck it on youtube, but I'm not, sorry!

(show starts)

Mark, examining a sheet of paper:

"Sonia
Travis
Silly Season
The Phrase 'Knock the tan off your testes'... dunno what that is" (turns his attention away from paper to start the show properly)

(Later on, during Round 1)

Mark: "Among the many things Morrissey has said on record he actually hates are:

* Elton John
* George Michael
* Madonna
* Vic Reeves
* Bob Geldof
* Tony Wilson
* Meat-eaters
* DJs
* Journalists
* Sundays
* Sunbathers
* B.A. Baracus
* Jokes about Wagon Wheels
* The MCC
* Blu-Tack
* Fred Wedlock
* Branston Pickle
* Loft lagging
* Igneous rock
* Bulldog terriers
* Glade Plug-ins
* Chip forks
* The phrase "Mr. Morrissey, you require three snookers!"
* Frisps
* The M25
* Friday afternoons
* Tortoises
* Crayons
* Pasta as a starter
* Philippa Forrester
* Sarah's next door neighbour
* Skin on rice pudding
* Burberry
* Tadpoles
* Orange peels
* The Honey Monster
* Polyester
* Boob tubes
* The smell of parmesan
* Disposable razors
* Yetis
* Magnifying mirrors
* Gits
* Millipedes
* Olives
* Koi carp and most of all,
* Pointless lists without punchlines. Well that told me, Mr. Morrissey."

(Later on during Intros...)

* The direction North-North-West
* The phrase "Mid-morning"
* Hibernating animals
* Francis Chichester
* When people say "i.e." when they mean "e.g."

(Later on after Identity Parade...)

* Buffalo girls who go on the inside
* Sonia
* Decimal currency

(During the show closing...)

* The Beaulieu Motor Museum
* Weekend at Bernie's Three
* Avocados
* People who go "Slammers!"
* Tango adverts
* The YMCA dance... (fade into credits)

 

"Jokes about Wagon Wheels"?

I don't think I've ever heard any...

Doug

 

I suspect they were talking about Wagon Wheels the food (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagon_Wheels) rather than actual wagon wheels. Still don't know any jokes about them though.

 

Looks like Faber & Faber might get its wish - although Moz would prefer for his memoirs to appear on the Penguin Classics imprint, natch:

http://www.nme.com/news/morrissey/56263

 

Morrisey doesn't like Blu-Tack? What does he use to couple his speakers to his stands?

Scott

 

Finally managed to edit the video together. Have no idea how much if any of this is true, but it's funny...