Hands Down, The Most Wonderfully Stupid Hit Record I've Ever Heard

Trying--with limited success--to sort out some oddball CD's lying about, I came across an obscure instrumentals comp, and just absentmindedly put it in the player. Well, the usual Muzak-inspired stuff, also some Sandy Nelson, Al Casey, El Chicano, etc. About halfway through it came out of nowhere...one of the most delightfully pointless and dumbest records ever to sell any significant copies anywhere: in 1967, no easy trick, as the competition was fierce back then.

This is it! Anybody remember it? Didn't think so:

WHISTLING JACK SMITH: "I Was Kaiser Bill's Batman"

There are many dumb records, like "The Streak" but like "The Streak" they evoke in me nothing but a groan and the urge to find a sledgehammer, which, like some DCC titles, is still kicking around somewhere, just out of reach of my two greedy hands

"Kaiser Bill" makes me laugh out loud every time I hear it, which isn't often, probably a good idea.

But there wasn't and never will be anything quite like it! No siree....

ED

 

It's darn close, but at least Napoleon XIV talked(if not actually sang--praise be for some minor miracles).

2:20 worth of whistling...there really was nothing like the '60s.

ED

 

Ed,

Nope, never heard of "Whistling". Was it ever a "hit"? How high did it chart?

Jim W.

 

Let It All Hang Out by the Hombres cracks me up sometimes.

 

Now what was the name of that Tiny Tim tune Ed?

 

I'd put my vote in for that master of merriment David Bowie with The Laughing Gnome - it came out when I was very small

All the best - Andrew

 

May I add "Donald, Where's Your Trousers" to this esteemed company?

 

Top Ten UK, at least--maybe even #1, knowing the Isles--and #20 Billboard here, I think. Didn't stay long on the charts, just long enough to make me laugh, then and now.

That's "Tip-Toe Thru' The Tulips With Me" as you well know, Dave. Early Richard Perry production. He went on to produce Nilsson, Carly Simon, Pointer Sisters. Of course if he were lying face down in a gutter that would have been a step up from Mr. Tim

ED

 

Tip-Toe Through The Tulips?

 

Didn't make it to the top spot - maxxed out at number 5 - we're not that mad

All the best - Andrew

 

Thanks Patrick!

 

Before I forget, the '70s equivalent. Not quite there, but close, so very close:

HOT BUTTER: "Popcorn"

And it got to #9 stateside....I hope Old Blighty didn't fall for it, but you never know...

ED

 

Another song getting to the number 5 spot

&ru

 

You're enjoying this, methinks

All we need now is a bad novelty item from Canada and that will just about do it: we will officially be doomed....

ED

 

I always thought "The Name Game" was the worst thing ever.

 

Howzabout "You Turn Me On (The Turn-On Song)" ?

 

I don't know if it's stupid, but I've always been amused by Jimmy Soul's "If You Want To Be Happy".


If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ugly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

 

Sheeeesh, I hope Jimmy S. was wrong there......don't we all, really???

Bill

 

Say, how about "The Martian Hop" by the Ran-dells?? Good beat, easy to dance to, but really dumb lyrics!!!

Bill

 

Would "Winchester Cathedral" qualify for an Honorable Mention?

 

"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred. #1 in both the US and UK. Don't come much dumber.

 

Well Ron, it certainly was a "hit record", so if you think it's "wonderfully stupid", then it qualifies!

Jim W.

 

And, of course, I have roughly seventy thousand Japanese cover versions of that...all probably slightly more inane.

-D