The Worst of the Beach Boys

There's a bootleg floating around called "Endless Bummer", supposedly representing the Beach Boys' worst output. Not even close. So, off the top of my head, here is what I consider the absolute WORST of their catalog.

* Chug-A-Lug (Surfin' Safari)
Okay, okay, so the first few Beach Boys albums were lightweight to say the least, with rather unsophisticated lyrics. But this one stands out as even cheesier than the rest.

* Gettin' Hungry (Smiley Smile)
The fact that this was a total bomb of a single is no surprise whatsoever. Grating organ, boring verses with caterwauling vocals. Mike's late Seventies remake (with Celebration) was considerably better.

* Little Pad (Smiley Smile)
Ha ha, the Beach Boys are stoned, I get it, ha ha. Okay, so it would've been better without the unflattering intro, the rest of the song's not too bad.

* I'd Love Just Once To See You (Wild Honey)
It's funny once.

* All I Want To Do (20/20)
Speaking of sexually suggestive tracks.... the fact that we actually have the 'pleasure' of hearing Dennis screwing at the end takes this too far over the top.

* Never Learn Not To Love (20/20)
Okay, it's not the most horrible song ever, but the unshakeable fact of its composer casts a dark shadow that is impossible to escape from. That intro proves they knew *exactly* what they were doing.

* Take A Load Off Your Feet (Surf's Up)
A truly strange inclusion to an otherwise majestic album; one wishes they would've just taken all the odd 'health' tracks from the Seventies (including the far better "HELP Is On The Way") and put them all together on their own album.

* Battle Hymn Of The Republic (Caribou Album - unreleased)
I have to admit, I really actually like this. But the sheer hatred fans have towards this earns it a spot. Yes, it's sloppy and Mike can't keep up with the lyrics, but it's certainly not the worst thing they ever did. That's coming later....

* Chapel Of Love (15 Big Ones)
One of a handful of very, very bad Brian-led covers from this time period. Which brings us to our primary list of bad Brian decisions...

* Life Is For The Living (Adult Child)
* Everybody Wants To Live (Adult Child)
* Hey Little Tomboy - original version (Adult Child)
* You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling (Adult Child)
* Deep Purple (Adult Child - all unreleased)
(sigh) I know. I KNOW there are a lot of fans who stand by "Adult Child" 100%, being another remnant of the "Brian's Back" era. But the covers are disastrous, the lyrics are some of the worst the Beach Boys ever did ("Don't sit around on yer ass / smokin' grass" and the famous "cigarette butt" line), and let's be honest....... the fact that the original version of "Hey Little Tomboy" made it through several unreleased album line-ups, including the pre-final track list of "MIU", only having the sick chatter cut at the very last minute, is appalling. Which brings me to something else....

* Lazy Lizzie (unreleased)
What the HELL was with Brian during this period?? A song about stalking a teen girl in his car? Was this all part of a seriously unsettling concept album we don't know about...?

* Shortenin' Bread (Adult Child)
Okay, one last low point about Adult Child. This version would be fine, but the ever-louder synth note just kills it. Sort of like John's high-pitched loop in that 10-minute "Revolution 1" take, spoiling a good thing.

* The entire 1977 Christmas album
No need to list the songs here. It's very, very obvious why this didn't come out.

* Kokomo
Yes, this was their first #1 hit since "Good Vibrations", but it also suffers for a lot of reasons. One, no Brian (who actually does pop up on the Spanish version), and two, the painfully dated Eighties production. Oddly enough, despite being released in the 1990's, the entire 'Summer In Paradise' album has the same sound, which says a lot. Oh yes, and...

* Summer Of Love
Mike Love. The man who hates "Smile". The man who tried to kill 'Heroes and Villains.' The man who plays carnivals with a fake band he calls 'the Beach Boys'. And this song is the sort of thing he prefers over the work of Brian Wilson. *shakes head in shame* It's so bad I almost wish they'd done the 'Bart Simpson duet' idea, just to put the icing on the cake.

Feel free to add.

 

I'm hardly a Beach Boys expert, but "Johnny Carson" springs to mind.

 

That album with the green cover and the goats everywhere was A DOG.

 

I love Gettin' Hungry.

 

Definitely much worse than the Gin Blossoms.

 

I like a lot of the above songs, but you gotta add "When Girls Get Together" to that list. "Chug a lug" is brilliant though-- I imagine themm getting sick from all that root beer.

 

Everything...every last off key, silly little song.

 

Love that tune.

 

100% agree on Adult Child. I wish I could unhear Tomboy- nasty nasty nasty.

 

Meh, I like a lot of the late 60's stuff on Lazenby's list and I love Morning Christmas which was earmarked for the '77 Christmas album.

For me the worst tracks are the Sunflower outtake My Solution, Match Point of Our Love, the disco version of Here Comes the Night, the '85 b-side Male Ego where Brian shouts his vocal, I don't get the love some have for that track and the all of the awful Summer in Paradise album.

 

I'd Love Just Once To See You? Really? So bad Brian's band did it in concert as part of the hits set before That Lucky Old Sun. Always thought of it as slight, melodic and amusing rather than bad. Hey ho.

 

"I'm fat as a cow - how did I ever get this wayyyyyyyyyyyyy?"

 

'I'd Love Once To See You' is a wonderful song.

 

I've grappled with the moral dilemmas for some time, but "Never Learn Not to Love" is one of my favorite Beach Boys songs.

 

* Gettin' Hungry (Smiley Smile)
* Little Pad (Smiley Smile)
* I'd Love Just Once To See You (Wild Honey)
* All I Want To Do (20/20)
* Never Learn Not To Love (20/20)

I wouldn't put any of those songs on their worst list.

 

I like or love many of the songs being listed here including:

"Little Pad"
"I'd Love Just Once To See You"
"All I Want To Do"
"Never Learn Not To Love"
"Take A Load Off Your Feet"
"Hey Little Tomboy" - original version
"Kokomo"
"When Girls Get Together"
disco version of "Here Comes the Night"
Much of the 1977 Christmas album
Much of Summer In Paradise
Much of Adult Child

My vote for worst released song is "A Casual Look"

 

Oh yeah!! I honestly forgot "Morning Christmas", I do like that song.

And "Winter Symphony", though Rite Aid's Christmas radio playlist kinda beats that one to death.

 

I purposely left that out, because I personally love it so much I couldn't bear to put it on a "worst" list!

 

Well, the American record buying public thought so........ kind of ridiculous to consider that.

IT'S F**KING PET SOUNDS. PEOPLE DISLIKED F**KING PET SOUNDS.

 

"Everyone's in Love with You" is so terrible.

 

If it makes you feel better.... the commonly-bootlegged version of "Adult Child" is full of fan-made edits and overdubs, so if you heard the 'pig snorts' version, I can at least assure you the Beach Boys never added pig snorts.

 

Almost all of the 1977 Christmas Album did come out on Ultimate Christmas and Merry Christmas From The Beach Boys.

 

I thought the stuff on Ultimate Christmas was largely stuff that *didn't* make it onto the 1977 album? Like, didn't that have "Santa's Got An Airplane"? (I honestly can't remember now...)

 

"Everyone's in Love with You" is one of the loveliest songs in The Beach Boys catalog IMO.

 

The bootlegs of Adult Child that I have include the original Beach Boys unmodified "Hey Little Tomboy" The only place I've heard the hilarious fan mix in on Vol. 4 of the Rarities series from Dumb Angel.